I love you--I do! But I just can't do this anymore: Halloween Candy, we have to break up.
Truth be told, I don't even want to be friends with you anymore. Don't get me wrong, you're attractive (you look good enough to EAT!), and let's face it, you have a good personality, too (it's even in your name: Fun Size!). But you have a dark side, Halloween Candy, and I'm not just talking about the dark chocolate.
It's just--well, sometimes, Halloween Candy, you make me feel bad about myself. And you do it VERY subtly. It's never in moderation, Halloween Candy. Never, I'll just do it this one time. No, it's 20 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a stomachache (although, let's be fair, you know I'm putty once you break out the chocolate-peanut butter combination). Then, I just think constantly of all of the spin classes I'll have to take to get you off of me; until I'm in the midst of spin, thinking, I'm exercising, surely I can enjoy just ONE piece of Halloween Candy.
You see where this vicious cycle is leading me, don't you?
I'm sorry Halloween Candy, I really am. I hope you find happiness. I mean, I know you will. You're great! Just not for me. I hope you understand.